வழி விடுங்கள்…!

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— சுடரொளி

‘எத்தனை மணிக்கு வேண்டுமானாலும் வெளியில் செல்லலாம்?!’ என்பதே ‘பெண்கள் மேம்பாடு’ (Women Empowerment) என்று பல பெண்கள் நினைக்கிறார்கள். அதுவல்ல, Women Empowerment என்பது நன்றாக படித்து, நல்ல பணியில் சேர்ந்து முன்னேறுவது தான்.”

“பார்த்தீங்களா, இப்போ பொண்ணுங்க எல்லாம் எப்படி dress பண்ணிக்கிறாங்கன்னு. பசங்க என்னங்க பண்ணுவாங்க, இதை பார்த்து, அவங்க ஹோர்மோன்ஸ் சுரந்ததுன்னா?! அவங்களை நாம எப்படி தப்பு சொல்ல முடியும்!”

“கல்யாணம் பண்ணிக்காம, ஒரு பெண்ணால எப்படி ஒழுக்கமா வாழ முடியும்? என்னோட பொண்ணுங்க எல்லாம் நல்ல படிச்சிருக்காங்க, நல்ல வேலையில இருக்காங்க. கல்யாணம் பண்ணி, குடும்பமா செட்டில் ஆகியிருக்காங்க.”

“என்ன மாப்பிள்ளைக்கு பைக் ஓட்ட தெரியாதா? ஸ்கூட்டர் தான் ஓட்டுவாரா? அது பொம்பளைங்க ஓட்டுறது ஆச்சே!”

“ஏம்மா இந்த கூட்டத்துல வந்து நின்னுக்கிட்டு இருக்க, பெண்களுக்குன்னு தனி coach தான் இருக்கே trainல?”

“பொம்பளைங்க தண்ணி அடிக்கிறதா? அதெல்லாம் எதுக்கு பண்ணனும்? பாரு, ஸ்ரீதேவி சாகும் போது fullஆ அடிசிருந்துச்சாம்!”

இன்னும் இன்னும், பல்வேறு விதமாய், பல்வேறு கருத்துக்கள், ஒவ்வொரு நாளும், ஒவ்வொரு விதமாய், பெண்களை சுற்றியே சுழல்கிறது! சில சமயங்களில் பெண்களிடமிருந்தே, சில சமயங்களில் இதை போன்ற கருத்துக்களை கேட்கும் போது, அதன் வேதனையை என்னவென்று சொல்லுவது! படித்திருந்தும், விரிவாய் எதை பற்றியும் யோசிக்க இயலாத, அவர்களின் அறிவின்மையை என்னவென்பது! எங்கு திரும்பினாலும், ஏதாவதொரு கேள்வி, அவளின் எதையாவது பற்றி.

நில்லுங்கள்! உங்கள் கவனத்தை எங்கள் மீதே வைக்காதீர்கள். உங்களின் புதிது புதிதான கேள்விகளுக்கு தினம் தினம் பதில் கூறி, எங்கள் ஆற்றலை நாங்கள்  வீணடிக்க விரும்பவில்லை.  கொஞ்சம் வழி விடுங்கள், எங்கள் வாழ்க்கையை நாங்கள் வாழ வேண்டும்!

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Love song of Sati

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by Bharati Ramachandran

My little finger lies where the holy waters meet
The earth will be born when our fingertips touch
My tongue is aflame in hilly Jwalamukhi
Taste my sweetness mingled with the mist

You will find my broken heart in the darkness of Gujarat
Light yourself a light, and glue it together
My bleeding eyes see the true colour of hate
Take my sight and examine your own demons

My navel tantalises pilgrims in Utkal
Admit that you want me, first to yourself
My desire’s buried north-east in Kamakhya
Kiss me and bring me back to life

Daksha’s daughter lies strewn across the land
Here a toe, there a wrist, here a leg, there a hand
A throat, a temple, a thigh and a breast
If you can find it to love me, put me together first

My land’s torn apart, its people sundered
Lightning strikes, and the skies thunder
Armies rush at night to attack the enemy mind
By daylight they find they’ve killed their own kind

I’ve lost my power to change destiny
I am scattered, rent and stamped upon
Stop your dance of death, put out the flames
That I invoked but cannot quench

Go to Dantewada and dig out the root cause
My teeth have been buried there for kalpas
Piece me together, and love me like I loved you
Perhaps then, we can give birth to a people new

Bharati Ramachandran helps non-profits tell powerful stories, change attitudes, behaviour and policy, and raise funds. She is a consultant with Prajnya. 

A Women’s Day Toast to Samantha Jones

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By Chintan Girish Modi

Sex And The City is a wildly popular American television show. It ran on HBO from 1998 until 2004 but I got hooked to it only two years ago while watching midnight re-runs on AXN that beep out cuss words and slice off lovemaking scenes. Indian audiences are assumed to be not ready for this, though they clearly have all the stamina to copulate and populate.

My rants about censorship can wait for another day, for today is about celebrating Samantha Jones (played by Kim Cattrall). This successful, vivacious, feisty and unforgettable woman is one of the four main characters on the show. She owns a public relations company that is much sought after, much like her who is well-known among the famous and fashionable set in New York City.

Samantha is often dismissed for being a bimbo, overly concerned with physical appearance, desperate for sex, and seeking body-altering procedures such as chemical peels, cosmetic surgery, and botox treatments. While these aspects of her life are certainly worth discussing as part of a wider conversation around whether choices enabled by financial independence free women of patriarchy or bind them down to newer chains, I want to focus now on the many things I love about Samantha.

1. She is serious about the pursuit of pleasure.
2. She knows how to get what she wants.
3. She does not wait endlessly for THE ONE.
4. She recognizes ‘true love’ when she sees it.
5. She loves deeply but does not hold people back.
6. She is the best cheerleader a friend can have.
7. She cares a damn about what people think of her relationships.
8. She is aware of her weaknesses.
9. She does not play the victim card.
10. She is good at playing to her strengths.
11. She does not let breast cancer bring her life to a standstill.
12. She is politically incorrect.
13. She talks freely about sex.
14. She is a party gal.
15. She is open to challenging her boundaries.
16. She tips well.
17. She understands sexual needs.
18. She has few moral hang-ups.
19. She is an unabashed New Yorker.
20. She can risk looking like a fool but will always show up for her best buddies.
21. She needs no man to complete her.
About the author: Chintan Girish Modi works with Prajnya on our Education for Peace Initiative. He also writes widely on art, culture and gender for print as well as digital publications. He tweets @chintan_connect

Everyday Endeavours: The Simple Act of Eating-Drinking

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Everyday Endeavours is a new column by Mamta (aka @silverlightgal) about the things women do everyday and how they are different or experienced differently because women do them.

One of the first urban culture shocks, I experienced on migrating to a city a few years ago, was seeing women eat alone at a restaurant. Growing up in a small Indian town with a middle-class upbringing, life had been quite different from that in urban cities. In my town, women and even young girls rarely ventured out alone. They often went out together in twos or threes, whether it was for shopping or watching a movie or just a simple walk. The town’s few restaurants often saw families and on several occasions, lone men trickling in for snacks or dinners. But we never ever saw a woman eating alone. I hadn’t even considered the possibility that a woman could actually eat out alone.

In the city, I discovered that this was not just possible but happening around me. Though it still wasn’t common and did attract curious glances, at least it wasn’t an impossibility anymore.

The men, on the other hand, often ate out alone without attracting any attention or curiosity. No one around them speculated as to why the man might be eating out alone.

There could be various reasons why you would choose to eat alone. You could be short of time and in too much of a hurry to round up the company to eat with; you could be short of money and want to eat a simple meal by yourself, without having to split a huge bill with others. Or you could just want to savour the pleasure of a delicious meal all by yourself, without any distractions.

Even the waiters and maitre’d behave differently if you are a woman eating out alone. The first thing they will want to know is if someone would be joining you at the table.  It’s only after you reassure them a couple of times (or more) that you are indeed going to be dining alone and perfectly happy to be doing so (as in, not stood up by a date), that they leave you in peace.

This is the scenario in urban metro cities. In many small towns even today, it’s considered either ‘too forward’ or ‘embarassing’ for a woman to be seen eating out alone. Some men on seeing a woman alone at a table think it an open invitation to go and hit on her.

The arrival of Internet-and-mobile based food delivery apps are perhaps a blessing in some way, but what if a girl didn’t want to eat out of a box and craved to eat out by herself and experience the ambience of premises other than her own? Wouldn’t it be nice if regardless of whether a small town or a big city, a girl could go about doing this without raising any eyebrows or worrying about some random man hitting on her or fearing judgement from others?

Alright, let’s move on to the chai tapris now. Who doesn’t like a hot cuppa every now and then, especially in the monsoons or winter? And not everyone can afford Starbucks or a Café Coffee Day everyday. The streetside tea stalls with their masala teas are far lighter on the wallet. Quite often it’s just a matter of convenience and budget to prefer streetside stalls over the coffee/tea outlets.

But how often do you see women or girls sipping their cuppa alone in a streetside tea stall? I haven’t seen even one, to be honest. If a girl does manage to gather courage and stand waiting for her tea, there may be curious/leering glances thrown at her now and then.

And this is only about tea, we are not even talking about pubs or bars yet.

Why is it so hard for our society to create and encourage a space where women could eat/drink their choice of food/beverage by themselves without any hindrance? It’s not illegal to want this; it’s not immoral to want this. It’s just a simple need. A need that men take for granted.

Here’s how you as a reader can help. The next time you see a girl or woman eating or drinking alone, just let her be. Don’t judge, don’t keep staring in curiosity, and most importantly, don’t hit on her. Just let her be.

Mother’s Day 2017: Is woman the only care-giver? by Neeraja Hariharan

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flowersIs woman the only care-giver?

A traditional “Housewife’s” first duty is to look towards the happiness of her husband and his family. The next step is to look after her children and the happiness of her children. In between she has to balance family society to create social happiness. In this entire life-long journey not many stop and ask her what she wants. If you ask a housewife how many times her family has praised her publicly or privately for her work and not just cooking, She would be able to count it on her fingers.

Incredible pressure to juggle work and family responsibilities: Indian parents-in-laws aren’t known to be particularly supportive. A typical Indian mother’s day begins two hours before everyone else, cooking, packing lunch, making breakfast, sending kids off to school and only then does she get a chance to get ready for her day at work

Unequal partnerships at home–Husband’s “Hands-off” approach: In several Indian homes, there is “unequal partnership”. After a long tiring day (even when the working mother works hard/sometimes even harder than her husband). Once she returns home, she is still expected to cook, clean and take care of the other demands of husband/children and maintain the house.

Mothers quit job to take care of her baby: Still in India the mother is expected to take care of her baby. It’s only the duty of the mother to take care of the baby, as if it is not the duty of father. Why it is only the duty of mother? Why can’t the father take the responsibility of the baby? He is also the parent. Isn’t it important for him to take care of his baby?

After giving birth to a baby, the mother is given two options. Either taking care of the baby fulltime or go to work and as well as take care of the baby. It is not an easy task to go to work and also taking care of the baby without the help of her in-laws and her husband. Ultimately she won’t get help from her husband and the in-laws will be too old to take care of the baby. She has to quit her job. And take care of her baby her herself.

When it comes to raising a child, mother is expected to quit her job. Why can’t the father quit his job to take care of his child? Why it is always the mother who quits the job?

Mother’s Day 2017: Life of a Mother, by Shrivaiyshnavi.N

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LIFE OF A MOTHER

For the lady who came out of her family just because of traditions and customs,

Who starves just because she has to eat after her husband eats,

Who kept us safe inside her womb for ten months,

Who breast fed us in spite of all her pain,

Who sacrificed her sleep just to pamper and take care of us.

For the lady who works all day at home no matter how sick she is.

Who cooks food for the choice of others,

Who washes clothes, and restrooms which stink,

Who bares all those Period Cramps

Who still manages to do the gender roles assigned to her by the society.

For the lady who does all these things, but gets no recognition.

What she really gets is a title saying “SHE IS JUST A HOUSEWIFE”

Whose sacrifices are not seen, or noticed.

Oh! Yes, Its Mother’s Day Today, and what we do is just post Facebook Status about our beloved mother for this day alone.

For the lady who did all those things without expectations,

Why can’t you spend quality time with her?

Why can’t you treat her everyday like the way you treat her on mother’s day?

Why can’t you get to know about her and her favourites?

Why can’t you take her out for her favourite movie?

For the lady who protected you for your low grades from your daddy,

How well do you know her?

Do you try to get to know her favourite food?

Do you try to get to know her favourite book?

Do you try to get to know her favourite actor?

Do you try to get to know her favourite place to go out?

For the lady who MAKES the house a HOME,

Let us make her feel special everyday,

Let every day remain MOTHER’S DAY.

by Shrivaiyshnavi.N